I am truly glad to be doing something proactive for my future by going to graduate school, but I really really missed painting! There are aspects of my current program that are disappointing, one, no graduate level studio art classes – am I not a future art educator? So I feel a little, meh about it. I have to put up with the not so great parts to get to the part that will end up being a benefit. Besides there are far too many other things I could bitch and moan about that are far worse than not taking a graduate level studio art class.
I wrote the following several months ago. I’ve been editing it. I think it sums up some of my frustrations:
Simplicity is waking up on your day off and realizing you have nowhere to be and no one to please. It’s taking a walk in the woods and truly enjoying the fresh air, the surroundings and letting everything else, all your worries fall away. It’s ease. It’s mindful. It’s harder than it sounds. We live in a “fast-paced” world. Everything is at your fingertips, fast, and everything is so important. It needs to be done now, not moments from now. Everyone is so ambitious.
I’m ambitious. I want to be self-sufficient. I wish to complete my master’s degree. However, it seems the more I try to help myself the more complicated and stressful things suddenly become. Instead of being like typical college students who possibly have one part time position, I have two. And I still need to rely on unemployment to get by— I would die a happy woman to never have to deal with the people at unemployment ever again . It’s all so complicated and bureaucratic! Just to file unemployment is a stressful project. I have to prove to them that my schooling is helping me improve. I have to tell them what classes I’m taking and when. There’s paper work to fill out and phone interviews with people from unemployment — and I still need to do homework!
I wish there were a solution. I just want to breathe. I want to absorb my schooling, which I’ve worked so hard to get to. I want to enjoy life, simply. I want to be able to follow my heart. Wouldn’t it be nice if we really could do whatever we wanted? That it wasn’t just a nice sentiment reserved for the lucky, elite few who have the means and opportunities to simplify their lives and follow their hearts? Everyone should be so lucky.