creatively speaking.

I love when I go through my creative “high” periods. Where I’m producing sketches, drawings and paintings every few days. When I have the time and energies to produce, create, you know the things I should be doing on a regular basis. The only problem is.. I burn out, or something happens. Such as, my ‘real job’ picks up and I have to let my work sit in the corner of my studio, eh, bedroom and collect dust until my next day off.

Work has let off a little for this week at least. Unfortunately, since about May 1st, I’ve been running around like a crazy lady between both jobs, dropping off work to exhibits, freelancing and podcasting. I haven’t had much time to read, practice yoga, mindfulness, meditation or sleep for that matter… creativity was on the back burner. Now I feel listless because I hadn’t been sketching, and true I did start a piece based on a sketch I did several months back because I never caught up to all the sketches I had produced. So I probably have, at least, two good paintings I could work on.. but I like when I have a dozen sketches that I’m excited about and I can’t catch up on all my creative work because it somehow makes me feel productive, though I’m pretty sure its probably not. True they are not finished sketches on most occasions, its a thumbnail sketch I threw down at 12am. I don’t know what I’m bitching about, other than the fact that I wish I had more time to dedicate to creating for me. Unfortunately, creating for me doesn’t always pay things like bills. I hate when it comes down to the almighty dollar. I know its not the piece of green paper that makes me cringe as much as how it makes some people act.. like bill collectors for example.

Who knows, maybe one day it will be all about my own creativity and not someone elses’ vision. I get frustrated on the rare occasion, but most times I can kind of do what I want… I get a paycheck, I’m usually home by dinner, I can practice yoga… yet there is always that quest for more. Maybe its my foolish reading of the article on the Advocate website of the successful people under 40. I shouldn’t read those things, it just makes one compare themselves to others, which isn’t very mindful. I have to remind myself that I am doing okay for myself. I could be far worse… I’m dropped off work at URI – I’m in two shows there! I have work at Gallery X right now. I was commissioned to do work, by two different people. I’m single, so I guess I can do whatever the hell I want, for the most part… no girl/boyfriend, wife, or husband wondering what I was doing until 3am on a Tuesday… in most cases I was reading the latest Sookie Stackhouse novel at 3am.

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